Thursday 27 October 2011

1 more day to 11 weeks 

Getting pregnant has made me uglier...

My face.... Arg!!! How do i even begin... I don't think I am imagining things but my nose seems to have become bigger. The skin at the bottom of my nose are always red, making me look like I've got a permanent cold. Skin around my lips are also reddish. Sometimes they swell a little bit. Making me looked as if I'm a little girl trying to put on lipstick and end up smudging it all around my lips.

It's been like that for the past few weeks. My mom in law noticed my bigger and red nose too (this confirmed that I am not hallucinating it). She told me out of the blue one day "Oh! You've got a big, red nose. Just like me when I was pregnant with my boy."


None of the soothing, calming cream or rescue lotion I bought out of desperation seems to help with the redness. Concealer doesn't help too. In fact, it made me looked worse. The concealer and foundation powder just cake around my dry skin making me looked like a terrible monster to little children.


I wonder if this is a normal symptom of pregnancy. I'm going to ask my doc when I see him on week 14.

Since my skin has become drier, I can't use my usual facial wash, toner, moisturizer and sunblock anymore. They caused my skin to dry up and flake. I can't use any products with strong smell either. They make me nauseous. My body lotion doesn't work too. The skin on my legs are itchy and flaky. I looked like I've got scales instead of skin.

Bottom line is, I have to change my whole range of skincare for oily, combination skin to the range for dry skin. Dumped my anti-shine sunblock for the oily type. Changed my shower foam and shampoo too. Can't take the smell. The only thing outstanding is my concealer and foundation. Need to do more research to find out which brand is good for dry skin.

My awesome sister got me L'occitane Mom & Baby Balm which works great for me. Love that it's fragrance free and feels super good on my dry, flaky skin. I use it all over at night, from face to feet. It's a small tub. I guess I might need to buy a few more tub.

I kept on asking my husband for reassurance that he will still love me if I end up looking like a freak. All his little reassurance meant a lot to the ugly me right now.


By the way, my mom in law said that "the big, red nose" will go away. But only after giving birth.

Tuesday 25 October 2011

10 weeks, 4 days

The throbbing headache subsided yesterday and I vomited only twice. That's a very good day for me and my husband was surprised to find me in a happy mood when he came home from work.

Come today, the headache is back. As usual, it started as a dull pain at the lower, left back of my head and then slowly increase its intensity and spread to the left frontal area as well. The pain made me more nauseous.

On the way to having lunch with my husband, I vomited the Milo and Oats I have taken for breakfast in his car (into my plastic bag of course). Even the water I have drank after breakfast came out. What worries me about this vomit episode is that in between the some of the gushes of vomit, I can't breathe! I wheezed hard to fight for gulps of air. I thought I'm having an asthma attack while vomiting.

My husband kept on telling me to "take a deep breadth, take a deep breadth". I mean, I am fighting just to breathe, how do you want me to take a deep breadth?! I would, if I could.

Well, maybe he's just feeling helpless and saying what he thought might be helpful. I love my husband but sometimes I wish that he would know how to react better in such situations without me telling him how to react.

There was one occasion when I was busy vomiting violently at the sink and he was busy playing PES2012 at his PlayStation. He continued to sit on the sofa, holding his controller, playing his game while I vomited. For two or three times he turned and looked at me and asked "Are you ok dear?" and turned back to his game after he asked. 

I'm obviously not OK. Not at all. "Why didn't you come over and rub my back or hold up my hair while I vomit? All these little gestures means a lot to your sick, pregnant wife." I grumbled to him after that.

After that day, my husband will always try to come and rub my back while I vomit. :) He also took initiative in cleaning up the dishes at the sink after I complained that the smell of dirty dishes makes me nauseous.

My husband does not have the natural instinct of taking care of people. He needs to be told what to do. But sometimes what woman wants is just for her man to take the initiative without us asking.

Perhaps I should start writing a guide on how to take care of your pregnant wife for the men.

Monday 24 October 2011

I'm 10 weeks pregnant at the moment and I'm counting down every single day as to when my suffering will end. At first it was just the constant bloating, nausea and tiredness.

Starting from week 7 onwards, everything started going downhill. My mom in law told me that all these suffering will end by the second trimester but my mom told me that her vomiting persisted all the way till she gave birth to my brother. I'm hoping real bad that my mom in law is right and all my sufferings will end by the start of the second trimester. I'm not sure how long more I can take all these vomiting anymore.

I've had days I vomit so much that there's blood in my vomit... Doc told me that I've retched and vomit too much thus hurting the throat. There's days that I vomit everything I ate and drank until I'm so tired from vomiting that I just fell asleep on the floor. Well, there is also the occasion good days that I just vomit once or twice.

I can't stand a lot of smells and food nowadays. The smell of coffee, fish, chicken, curry makes me nauseous. There's a gazillion other smells that makes me nauseous but those I've mentioned are the food and drink I used to love so much. Now, I just detest them with a vengeance.

I've vomited so much that I can tell you that some food taste and smell better compared to some when you vomit them out. Tea for instant, don't smell as bad as milk or Milo. Cream crackers or bread or white porridge is definitely much better to vomit compared to noodles, chew kueh (its so bad that the chai poh came out from my nose) and meat.

Plastic bags and tissue paper are important companions in cars. Can't count the number of times I've vomited in my husband's car. He always wind down the windows to air off the smell. Didn't know what motion sickness was until I got pregnant.

There's also the constant dull headache that start from the back of your head and slowly develops into a full fledged throbbing severe headache that last for three days. It made my vomiting worse...

Getting pregnant has transformed my life from heaven to hell. I hope really, really bad that all these will be over soon and I believe that at the end of my pregnancy journey and holding baby in my arms will be worth my trip through hell.

To my Mama, thanks for everything. I love you more now that I'm going through all these. Come to learn to appreciate you more than ever.